wash out

wash out

(this is an unedited poem. something raw. May 18, 2017. 2AM)

sometimes i wonder if you ever thought of loving me
of ever being close to me,
of searching for me,
of missing me,
of thinking about me,
just like i miss you.
just like how a room full of people
won’t be complete without you.
just like a night full of music
seems like nothing without going home with you.
and sometimes i wonder if all those conversations
ever left something in your heart,
did you remember my words,
did i ever leave a mark?
because in a short time you’ve changed me,
every word, every note, every song
everything’s just different when you came along.
and now that your life just goes on without me,
i wonder if you’ve ever thought of letting me in,
in the deepest and darkest part of your soul,
just like how i’ve let you see the mess in me,
and sometimes i wonder if that’s the reason
there’s now a gap between us—
this mess, this pain, this story—
and maybe that’s why i’m someone
you don’t want to be with.

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