CT Journey #1: Creative Freedom

My first two class sessions under CT11 are just overwhelming – in the best way possible.

It’s overwhelming because each lesson is a confirmation of God’s vision for me. As I’ve said during the discussion, I’ve always been reminded that I’m in the right place at the right time.

I’m going to expound more in next posts on the reasons why I shifted out of BS Mathematics to choose a different path. For now, take a sneak peek of my first OOTD picture and my creative space!

A little background: I tried to wear a dress – which has the feels that is close to satin – on top of a long sleeved blouse, because I wanted to show Lia Kes designed clothes.

I really love her because we have almost the same principles and inspirations in the clothing industry – helping communities, having passion, and trying to help the environment through recycling and upcycling.

On the other hand, my creative space is just my table in our dormitory. I also tried to put up a memory board and dream board beside the chair.

That’s all for today, I guess?

Au revoir!

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catch

easy – that’s how you see me;
easy to fall, easy to catch,
easy to get attached,
easy to snatch.

but i’m changing.
i was changing.
then you came.

and i’m back to zero again,

but this time i’m trapped to you.

The Best of Both Worlds

I’ve been having episodes lately.

This is the fourth time I’m having a breakdown. One during a normal working hour, another during a hike, the most evident one was during a meeting, and now at night time while I am alone here in this place – a place I both love and hate. Half of those breakdowns, I had the urge to end myself.

I caused the trigger. I’ve known too much about you, and all my insecurities just crept in, touching the deepest part of my heart that I am yet to get cleaned.

 

wash out

wash out

(this is an unedited poem. something raw. May 18, 2017. 2AM)

sometimes i wonder if you ever thought of loving me
of ever being close to me,
of searching for me,
of missing me,
of thinking about me,
just like i miss you.
just like how a room full of people
won’t be complete without you.
just like a night full of music
seems like nothing without going home with you.
and sometimes i wonder if all those conversations
ever left something in your heart,
did you remember my words,
did i ever leave a mark?
because in a short time you’ve changed me,
every word, every note, every song
everything’s just different when you came along.
and now that your life just goes on without me,
i wonder if you’ve ever thought of letting me in,
in the deepest and darkest part of your soul,
just like how i’ve let you see the mess in me,
and sometimes i wonder if that’s the reason
there’s now a gap between us—
this mess, this pain, this story—
and maybe that’s why i’m someone
you don’t want to be with.

Maroon FM’s Unsigned Night

So last Friday was Maroon FM’s Unsigned Night. It was an event that featured  and celebrated unsigned artists, and personally, I’ve been listening to Nathan Futalan, Mellow Yellow, Munimuni, and The Ridleys so I thought that the event was worth it (got a discounted ticket from a friend – thank you!). Good music with free-flowing drinks,  all for 200php, what more can one ask for? It was also a holiday (long weekend!) so we had all the time!

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Kaya’t pasensya ka na sa mga kathang isip kong ito
Wari’y dala lang ng pagmamahal sa’yo

Ako’y gigising na sa panaginip kong ito
At sa wakas ay kusang lalayo sa’yo

-Ben&Ben