Untitled

There’s one thing I’ve learned from showing up —
From choosing not to run, to hide, or to fall down:
That a day always turns out better
Than what my mind rehearse it to be.

—A poem by an escapist, me

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The Tunnel

11/28/17

At this point, I’ve entered another tunnel.

Dark, cold, and leading to the unknown,

It has served as a funnel

That filters out my inner circle.

A clouded mind, and a heavy heart

Is all I have, and I –

I don’t know how to keep my faith up,

How to keep the fire burning bright

How to blow the trumpets loud,

How to hit the cymbals, and play

And praise, and sing,

But with all that’s left with me I will weep –

These tears that come from a heart

Broken by sin and shame and doubt,

I will pour this out to you.

And even though I want these all to end,

Your grace tells me to bend,

To bow on my knees and depend

To your love, faithfulness, and strength.

Not knowing where this tunnel ends,

I’m tired and weary, but Your love extends

My days on this earth,

A form of your grace,

A grace that mends.

(Raw. Got no energy yet to edit this.)

catch

easy – that’s how you see me;
easy to fall, easy to catch,
easy to get attached,
easy to snatch.

but i’m changing.
i was changing.
then you came.

and i’m back to zero again,

but this time i’m trapped to you.

wash out

wash out

(this is an unedited poem. something raw. May 18, 2017. 2AM)

sometimes i wonder if you ever thought of loving me
of ever being close to me,
of searching for me,
of missing me,
of thinking about me,
just like i miss you.
just like how a room full of people
won’t be complete without you.
just like a night full of music
seems like nothing without going home with you.
and sometimes i wonder if all those conversations
ever left something in your heart,
did you remember my words,
did i ever leave a mark?
because in a short time you’ve changed me,
every word, every note, every song
everything’s just different when you came along.
and now that your life just goes on without me,
i wonder if you’ve ever thought of letting me in,
in the deepest and darkest part of your soul,
just like how i’ve let you see the mess in me,
and sometimes i wonder if that’s the reason
there’s now a gap between us—
this mess, this pain, this story—
and maybe that’s why i’m someone
you don’t want to be with.

The very first reason why I don’t love

Is because I know I can’t.

I know I can’t love

Because I’m easily broken.

And I can’t take anyone

Down this dark road

With me again.

Euphoria

Jecel Marie Manabat | March 7, 2017

For a moment it was love
Until it turned to an addiction,
Something they couldn’t let go,
One they couldn’t throw.

/

For a moment it was love
Until it ate away their dreams;
Throwing away responsibilities
They made a world only they live.

/

For a moment it was love
Until it killed both their souls,
Sucking each other’s lives
Until what’s left was a hole.

/

For a moment it was love
Until it no longer satisfied
Each other’s desires
And they went in search for more.

/

They went back to their good, old friends
Who slapped reality to their faces.
They left each other broken
But about that no one has spoken.