Cutting Ties

You know, there are people I can just cut my ties with if I decide to do it now… and to be fully honest, sometimes that’s the easiest option.

We’d rather run away than try to deal with things. We’d rather stay in our comfort zone than allow things to stretch us and refine our character. We’d rather choose to leave than stay if it’s of an inconvenience to our ego. More often than not, being apathetic is way easier than allowing ourselves to be involved.

That’s why I want to stay. I don’t want to run away anymore. I’m sick and tired of saying, “I’m not confrontational,” or “I’m really just like this. I’m not good with relationships,” and many other excuses. I want to grow. I want to know what I can improve on. I want to change. So today, I’m deciding to stay. I’m leaving my excuses behind, no matter how valid I deem them to be.

I stay in those relationships for His name and His glory, even if it’s hard and painful sometimes. I believe that relationships are the most efficient avenue for our character’s rough edges to come out, and they’re also the most efficient avenue for our character’s rough edges to be refined. So, I never cut ties with people no matter how “bad” I (and even other people) think they are, for I know that in reality, I am the worst of all sinners. I, too, am not perfect though I am being perfected in Christ. It is only by His grace that I am able to do “good” things. Indeed, everything good in me is God in me.

I stand firm in this. I hold on to grace, forgiveness, mercy, lovingkindness, endurance,  faith, love, and hope, for I know that great is our Reward when we get to meet our Father in heaven.

Oh, how I long for Him to say to me, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!”

Someday… someday.

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Dear, friends
Please hold on;
Please reach out –
I love you so much;

Today

I was afraid for this day to come, for I had so many concerns revolving around my academics, relationships, and even life decisions I have to make. I almost skipped my classes – and I’m glad I didn’t.

This day turned out to be better than I thought it would be.

Thankful for His grace that sustained me. Thankful also that He gave me enough time to rest, and that He gave me the opportunity to be with fellow believers to pray today. And lastly, thankful to Him for allowing me to spend some time with fellow believers as well to eat dimsum! Lols.

Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness.

Dear Loved Ones, I Miss You.

To My “Almost” Best Friend,

I heard a news yesterday and I dreamt of you for the first time since you left.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this – did I miss you? Probably. For some reasons, I can’t recall what happened that time. I don’t remember going to your last days. I don’t even remember knowing that you got sick. Heck, I don’t remember hearing about you leaving… because I never did. I lost contact with everyone.

I’ve never learned how to grieve. I don’t remember myself crying when my grandmother died. I remember walking with my relatives during the burial, and I couldn’t understand why they were crying. I was too young to know, but I would’ve understood and grieved properly should I have known it. I wish someone explained things to me, but I know too well that it isn’t an easy task.

 

To My Loving Mama Bening and Tatang,

Mama Bening, miss da na ka. Miss ko na ‘yung pagtuturo mo sa’kin, yung pagtitimpla mo ng Milo ko, yung pagpapabili mo sa’kin ng sigarilyo tapos ibibigay mo sa’kin yung sukli. Miss ko na ‘yung pagkarga mo sa’kin.

Naalala ko noon, inasar ko yung isa kong lolo tapos isang iglap nasa kwarto na ‘ko, pinagsasabihan mo ng tamang asal. Miss ko na ‘yung paglalaro ko mag-isa sa may garahe, tapos ilalatag mo yung lutu-lutuan ko at hahayaan mo kong maglaro. Miss ko na rin yung pagdidilig natin ng halaman together.

Miss ko na ‘yung pagtutupi natin ng damit. Dahil sa’yo, ang galing galing ko magtupi. Tinuruan ko nga ‘yung isa kong kaibigan paano, e.

Miss ko na ‘yung mga kwentuhan natin. Sa’yo ko lang nagagawa na maging sobrang makulit nang hindi ka naiinis, e. Haaayyy… I love you, Ma. Miss ko na kayo ni Tatang. Miss ko na pagdidisiplina nyo sa’kin, kasi never kong naramdaman na ginawa niyo yun para saktan ako. Miss ko na ‘yung pagmamahal at pag-aalaga niyo.

 

Hindi ko alam kung makikita ko pa kayo, pero kung sakali, hindi na rin naman natin makikilala ang isa’t isa. Salamat sa lahat ng memories na iniwan niyong lahat sa’kin. Tinuruan niyo ako ng maraming bagay, at ang isa doon ay ang pagpapahalaga sa mga kaibigan at mahal ko sa buhay. Salamat. Mahal ko kayo.