Dear friend,

When I say that I love you, it means that I am willing to suffer with you. It’s me declaring my covenant with you in Him.


A Prayer

Lord, make everything beautiful in Your time.

I desire nothing less than a real man of God – someone who is committed to You, Your Word, and Your Kingdom.

Someone who desires Your will more than his own. Someone who is dependent on You. Someone who is intimate with You.

Someone who is strong in prayer and in knowledge of the Word. Someone who has a strong conviction. Someone wise and trustworthy. Someone reliable. Someone consistent. Someone with integrity.

Someone who is bold in sharing Your Truth. Someone who reaches out to the unreached. Someone with deep compassion.

Someone who is selfless enough to give up his own comfort for the people around him.

Someone who loves and leads other people towards You.

And Lord, someone I can follow and submit myself to. Someone I will love and obey, and someone who will love and pursue me.

God, You are good, good Father. Let Your will be done.


There’s one thing I’ve learned from showing up —
From choosing not to run, to hide, or to fall down:
That a day always turns out better
Than what my mind rehearse it to be.

—A poem by an escapist, me

The Tunnel


At this point, I’ve entered another tunnel.

Dark, cold, and leading to the unknown,

It has served as a funnel

That filters out my inner circle.

A clouded mind, and a heavy heart

Is all I have, and I –

I don’t know how to keep my faith up,

How to keep the fire burning bright

How to blow the trumpets loud,

How to hit the cymbals, and play

And praise, and sing,

But with all that’s left with me I will weep –

These tears that come from a heart

Broken by sin and shame and doubt,

I will pour this out to you.

And even though I want these all to end,

Your grace tells me to bend,

To bow on my knees and depend

To your love, faithfulness, and strength.

Not knowing where this tunnel ends,

I’m tired and weary, but Your love extends

My days on this earth,

A form of your grace,

A grace that mends.

(Raw. Got no energy yet to edit this.)


easy – that’s how you see me;
easy to fall, easy to catch,
easy to get attached,
easy to snatch.

but i’m changing.
i was changing.
then you came.

and i’m back to zero again,

but this time i’m trapped to you.

wash out

wash out

(this is an unedited poem. something raw. May 18, 2017. 2AM)

sometimes i wonder if you ever thought of loving me
of ever being close to me,
of searching for me,
of missing me,
of thinking about me,
just like i miss you.
just like how a room full of people
won’t be complete without you.
just like a night full of music
seems like nothing without going home with you.
and sometimes i wonder if all those conversations
ever left something in your heart,
did you remember my words,
did i ever leave a mark?
because in a short time you’ve changed me,
every word, every note, every song
everything’s just different when you came along.
and now that your life just goes on without me,
i wonder if you’ve ever thought of letting me in,
in the deepest and darkest part of your soul,
just like how i’ve let you see the mess in me,
and sometimes i wonder if that’s the reason
there’s now a gap between us—
this mess, this pain, this story—
and maybe that’s why i’m someone
you don’t want to be with.