Week 2: Called in the wrong course?

I missed our Tuesday class due to sickness, and now I feel lost.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s very clear to me that God has called me to be in this course for such a time as this. What’s so unclear to me right now is the “why”. And sometimes I just want to ask Him, ” Why, Lord, give me passion for entrepreneurship when we don’t even have the money? Why art-related when I’m not even the most excellent designer – even my fashion isn’t as good as the others?”

Still, though, I shall follow by faith.

For this week, specifically last Thursday, we talked about lines – what it is, its effects in the eyes, and how we can apply it in fashion design. To be honest, sometimes I can’t see it when they say that “it shoud look wider” when the lines are horizontal. And sometimes it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating when you perceive things differently, but then again, I’d continually encourage myself and all I could say to myself is, “That’s okay,” because it is.

It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to pursue entrepreneurship and clothing technology even if people see it as impossible. It’s okay not to listen to other people sometimes. It’s okay not to do what others expect you to do. It’s okay not to be what others want you to be. It’s okay to live by faith. It’s okay to follow God even when some things do not make sense.

It is okay because it is my call; it is my destiny.

I was born for this.

“Submit to God, and you will have peace; then things will go well for you. Listen to his instructions, and store them in your heart. If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored— so clean up your life. “Then you will take delight in the Almighty and look up to God. You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows to him. You will succeed in whatever you choose to do, and light will shine on the road ahead of you. If people are in trouble and you say, ‘Help them,’ God will save them. Even sinners will be rescued; they will be rescued because your hands are pure.” Job 22:21-30

CT Journey #1: Creative Freedom

My first two class sessions under CT11 are just overwhelming – in the best way possible.

It’s overwhelming because each lesson is a confirmation of God’s vision for me. As I’ve said during the discussion, I’ve always been reminded that I’m in the right place at the right time.

I’m going to expound more in next posts on the reasons why I shifted out of BS Mathematics to choose a different path. For now, take a sneak peek of my first OOTD picture and my creative space!

A little background: I tried to wear a dress – which has the feels that is close to satin – on top of a long sleeved blouse, because I wanted to show Lia Kes designed clothes.

I really love her because we have almost the same principles and inspirations in the clothing industry – helping communities, having passion, and trying to help the environment through recycling and upcycling.

On the other hand, my creative space is just my table in our dormitory. I also tried to put up a memory board and dream board beside the chair.

That’s all for today, I guess?

Au revoir!

catch

easy – that’s how you see me;
easy to fall, easy to catch,
easy to get attached,
easy to snatch.

but i’m changing.
i was changing.
then you came.

and i’m back to zero again,

but this time i’m trapped to you.

The Best of Both Worlds

I’ve been having episodes lately.

This is the fourth time I’m having a breakdown. One during a normal working hour, another during a hike, the most evident one was during a meeting, and now at night time while I am alone here in this place – a place I both love and hate. Half of those breakdowns, I had the urge to end myself.

I caused the trigger. I’ve known too much about you, and all my insecurities just crept in, touching the deepest part of my heart that I am yet to get cleaned.

 

wash out

wash out

(this is an unedited poem. something raw. May 18, 2017. 2AM)

sometimes i wonder if you ever thought of loving me
of ever being close to me,
of searching for me,
of missing me,
of thinking about me,
just like i miss you.
just like how a room full of people
won’t be complete without you.
just like a night full of music
seems like nothing without going home with you.
and sometimes i wonder if all those conversations
ever left something in your heart,
did you remember my words,
did i ever leave a mark?
because in a short time you’ve changed me,
every word, every note, every song
everything’s just different when you came along.
and now that your life just goes on without me,
i wonder if you’ve ever thought of letting me in,
in the deepest and darkest part of your soul,
just like how i’ve let you see the mess in me,
and sometimes i wonder if that’s the reason
there’s now a gap between us—
this mess, this pain, this story—
and maybe that’s why i’m someone
you don’t want to be with.

Maroon FM’s Unsigned Night

So last Friday was Maroon FM’s Unsigned Night. It was an event that featured  and celebrated unsigned artists, and personally, I’ve been listening to Nathan Futalan, Mellow Yellow, Munimuni, and The Ridleys so I thought that the event was worth it (got a discounted ticket from a friend – thank you!). Good music with free-flowing drinks,  all for 200php, what more can one ask for? It was also a holiday (long weekend!) so we had all the time!

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